A Coward's Lament
by DominusProvidebit
Summary: She need a hero. She desperately needed a hero and was screwed over with Cal's sad excuse for a savior. Rather than being the person she needed to save her, he was part of the cancer - spreading the pain and the disasters that he didn't know how to avoid.
1. A Coward's Lament

_And I know I'm a coward, I know I'm a slave,  
><em>_to the same fucking reasons you'll never be saved,_

_By this unchosen hero, this futile attempt.  
>I will fight for myself, because no one's been sent.<em>

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><p><strong>He knew he was nothing more than the man who sat a couple doors down from her. He knew he could never live up to that of the man that she needed. Maybe he was more. Maybe he was her best friend, her safe haven. Maybe he was her partner in work, but never at home.<strong>

**She needed a hero. She desperately needed a hero and was screwed over with Cal's sad excuse for a savior. Rather than being the person she needed to save her, he was part of the cancer - spreading the pain and the disasters that he didn't know how to avoid.**

**She thought he was her hero. Praying that he would one day save her, she waited for her knight in shining armor that would never show up, because Cal was there, futilely praying himself that he could one day save the princess.**

**How he ended up falling into the category of hero, he didn't know and he desperately wanted to. He desperately wanted out of this sticky situation. He couldn't save Gillian. He would never be her knight in shining armor and he had to get away.**

**But he wanted to be the chosen one. He wanted to be the one that would one day be worthy of saving her. **

**"They say the sword bows to the might of the pen, because the blade's wound is clean, while the ink will bleed in," he whispered weakly.**

**Frowning, she raised an eyebrow and asked, "Hmm?"**

**His eyes fell to a sheet of paper in his hand and sighed heavily. "You're being transferred, love."**

**"No." She stood up and rushed towards him, taking the crinkled paper in her own hands and reading it over, then reading it again, and finally a last time. "They can't do this to me..." she whispered.**

**He had nothing to do. Having nothing to say, he wrapped his arms around her shoulders and pulled her towards him. "They can."**

**"But... but we started this together! This is _our _business! They can't just move me!"**

**He let go and stared at her eyes. Those eyes that were free and that's when he realized that she wasn't the one trapped that needed saving, he was. He was trapped in his body like a dog in a cage. He desperately needed a savior, but he would get nobody. Gillian was being taken away right in front of his eyes and he could do nothing. He would be forced to save himself, before he could even get close to saving her.**

**"What do you want me to do, Gill? The FBI do whatever the hell they want! There's nothing I can do!"**

**"Stop them, Cal!" she practically begged. **

_**Save me!**_** That's what she was screaming to him and he knew that it was useless. "There's nothing I can do..." he whispered.**

**"Cal... You need to do something! You're in charge here. You're not even going to try?"**

**"Gill, listen..." It was pointless. To push on like there was something he could actually do. **

**Maybe transferring her would be for the better. Maybe she could find a man that could really, _truly _protect her. Maybe, just maybe, she would be saved. Saved from all the disastrous things she's been through. Saved from all the stupid men that couldn't love her like she needed. **

**He was a coward, and it was obvious to him now. He was terrified of trying to save her because he was terrified of failing. A real chivalrous man wouldn't give a shit about the possible outcome - apart from the fact that it could possibly save the princess. But no, Cal was terrified of hurting her, and wasn't even trying to see the beautiful possibilities of saving it.**

**It was no use. He was a coward and it was about damn time that he realized it.**

**What the _bloody hell _was he supposed to do? Go talk to the FBI? Tell them that what they were doing was a big mistake? They were the _fucking _FBI for goodness sake. There was _nothing_ he could do about this. Nothing at all.**

**"Gill, I'm sorry. There's nothing I can do!"**

**Her eyes begged for a savior that he could never be. Her hands held onto him like he was her safe haven, like he was her only hope, like _he _was the one who would save her.**

**He wanted to just go die right now, because he knew there was nothing he could do. It was a moot point - trying to ask him for help that he obviously had not obtained in his ten years of knowing her.**

**"I'm sorry." It was all he could say. All he could do was apologize. "I'm sorry..." He needed her to understand that he was nothing he could do.**

**She took his face in her hands and pulled him down until he was mouthing 'I'm sorry' against her soft lips. He kissed back immediately, of course - because he didn't know what else to do. **

**The second she pulled away, he found the strength. There was the fighting power that he needed all along. A kiss. A simple _fucking_ kiss.**

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><p>The End (A Coward's Lament by Reptile Dysfunction)<p> 


	2. A Spark in the Trees

_Well I'm sorry it's broken  
>But here's a small token<br>To try to explain how I feel  
><em>

_Thread the pieces with chain  
>As I try to explain and give you<br>__Something you know is real_

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><p><strong>The courage now amped up by some thousand watts, he was ready to save her. He'd found his strength. Sitting in her office, she was solemnly putting books in boxes and regretting the kiss. If only she knew what that had done for him. If only she knew what she did to him.<strong>

**He was falling for her like a drunk. He had been for a while now, and there was nothing to do but find her, save her, and then be with her. Always. He was filled with desperation for love. But it fell from the sky like a dove with broken wings. Not immediately ready to be beautiful and perfect, but needing time. This needed time. The dove needed to heal and learn how to fly again. He needed to let Zoe go and learn how to love again.**

**He needed to love Gillian. He was ready to fall for her again, to embrace how he felt. He knew that she was the one. There was no doubt about it. And her smile; well it could blister the damn sun. There was nothing holding him back anymore. She kissed him. It was time to take the next step.**

**"I hang my head low, I don't dare make a sound..." he whispered lightly. No weakness this time, just shyness.**

**She looked up from her box of random crap and frowned. "Sorry?"**

**"Stop apologizing, love."**

**"Explain what you're talking about then!" She laughed awkwardly.**

**"Alec... Burns... I just ignored it. I didn't try to get you or anything... but now I'm making a sound and it's going to be a loud proclamation of my love for you, darling. When you kissed me-"**

**"I'm sorry. That was totally inappropriate and it never should have happened."**

**"No. No, it was perfect."**

**"What do you want?" she asked. She wasn't being mean or rude, she was just trying to make things clearer. She was totally confused by his last statement and didn't like being the one that knew nothing.**

**"I want to explain to you how I feel."**

**She nodded slowly and whispered, "Go for it."**

**"It's not the best... and I'll try... but it could be a little weak and it could-"**

**"Spit out, Cal."**

**"Right. Uhm, well... I'm in love with you, Gillian. I have been in love with you for the past seven to eight years... I'm not going to be naive or ignorant and say that I've been in love with you since the moment I laid eyes on you... but it was... uhmmm... July 6, 2004 - I think - and we were taking down Fourth of July decorations and you were eating some left over cake from the party that you forced me to throw for the staff... years of success, right? Well... you ate the cake and for some reason you bloody loved it and that's when... when you closed your eyes and savored the cake. I saw the smile on your face... the real, genuine smile and I knew. I was and still am in love with Gillian Foster. I've been searching for a chance to change that bloody last name since the divorce."**

**She stared at him, her eyes wide with not amusement or love, but with regret. How did that pass her? Why didn't she know? Better yet, why didn't she know when she fell in love with him? Why doesn't she know the exact date, place, and reason? Regret was soon replaced with anger. Why hadn't he told her yet? Why did he wait until they were deciding to get rid of her? To move her away? Soon after, love made it's appearance. Who gives a shit about all the other questions? He loves her and she loves him. Isn't that enough?**

**"I don't know what to say..." she whispered.**

**"You just said it all," he replied, lightly waving his hand towards her face.**

**"What now?"**

**"I'm going to save you."**

**"I'm sorry?"**

**"You gotta stop that..."**

**"What?" she corrected herself.**

**"I'm going to save you. Every since July 6, 2004, I have been far too terrified of failing to try to save you. I've been a bloody wimp and I think it's about damn time that I step up. I've been a coward and an idiot and I haven't taken my place as your hero."**

**"Now you've lost me..."**

**"Gillian. You need a hero. You need _someone _to save you from all the mess ups... Not that mess ups aren't something that just come with life, but you need something, some_one_ to be yours. And someone to save you and take away the pain. And I've known that savior was me, but I've always been too scared. I've been worried that I might mess up and hurt you in return... but I've been hurting you this whole time by not stepping up to the plate and taking a swing. Well, Gill... I'm batter now and I'm ready for a home run."**

**She smiled slightly at his interesting use of an analogy. At first she was angry about him thinking that she needed someone to save her, but it was true. She was lost in this world without a man to hold onto. She was not introverted enough to make it without one. So she smiled and asked, "Don't you need saving?"**

**"That kiss did the trick, love."**

**"Then what are we waiting for?" she asked.**

**He smiled and nodded, sticking his hand out to her. "Let's go show the FBI what we're made of. You're not going anywhere."**

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><p>The End (A Spark in the Trees by Reptile Dysfunction)<p> 


End file.
